


Tequila Clown

by Objectofimagination



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Romance, Chapters are short, Depression, Drunken Flirting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Not Beta Read, Out of Character, Past Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Past Relationship(s), Pining Joker (DCU), Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24864286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Objectofimagination/pseuds/Objectofimagination
Summary: Ever since Harley left things haven't been the same. Oh well nothing a little drink can't fix!(Complete)
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 19
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

Ever since he dumped Harley, the only thing the joker really missed was the fact that if he ever had something on his mind she would listen. Now since she's gone and started dating poison ivy they barely even chat twice a week, did he really miss her that much? Late nights in Gotham city were what most would expect them to be. Neon signs littered the streets with discount drinks and plenty of women and a few men down to do whatever customers wanted. Party goers waiting in long lines, some dancing to the music that blared right out of the building but nothing really piqued the jokers interest.

A small dive bar however did, he and Harley used to go together every Saturday night. Joker walked inside and was greeted with a smile "welcome to Happy's what can i-" the young man couldn't get the next few words out as the jokers hand wrapped around his neck "Your largest frozen margarita...Lance" he chuckled and released the man. The bartender shook his head in shock "how...how did ya know my name?" Lance's accent was soft it reminded him of new York. Joker just laughed "your name tag dear boy, pay more attention! Now where's that drink?".

At least thirty minutes passed and so did six large margaritas before Lance decided the joker had enough for the night. "Mr. Joker the limit is 6 ya can't have anymore " The joker swore up and down he was alright to drive but then again the more he seemed to drink the more the room began to spin. "You can't tell ME what to do! Who are you? Batman? I don't think so!" Lance just rolled his eyes and looked out the window, the bat signal shone in the sky, maybe Lance would get lucky and batman would take joker away. "Gimme another luke" He sighed "my names Lance, and no no more" Joker attempted to slam his hands down onto the counter but somehow missed and ended up on the floor with a thud. "Your just like him! You both think you can tell me what to do, you selfish bastards!"

Joker sighed and slumped back into his seat grabbing a bottle of whiskey on the way down" Larry it's been two weeks and he hasn't said a word..." Lance paused "word about what? You guys always talk as your beating the shit outta each other? And my name is Lance" Joker just laughed and started chugging the whole bottle "Batman never appreciates what i do for him! Do you know how much it costs to make a confetti bomb, kidnap the mayor and bribe his bodyguards?!"

He then slams the empty bottle and smiles as it shatters, "Liam my boy in all the years we've fought ive never brought a smile to his face!" only a psychopath would smile during a fight Lance thought. "I know you must think I'm craaaazy darling...well your absolutely right! Tell me... are you single?" Lance did his best to smile despite being hit on by Gotham's clown prince of crime. "I uh have a girlfriend" The joker just scoffed and put a twenty dollar bill down on the table "Keep the booze comin sweetheart...your going to have a long night with me".


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dancing, drinking and violence oh my! Did i mention Batman?

Lance was a short man, about 5'5" with short jet black hair ,blue eyes and a bit of a chubby physique. He was a decent bartender but could he sing or dance? No, but that's exactly what he was doing with the 6'1" Joker in the middle of Happy's bar at around one in the morning. The joker lead Lance through a drunken waltz of sorts, the two stumbling every so often.  
"Mr. Joker sir ... as much as i like to dance and all the bar closes in thirty minutes so imma have to ask you to call a cab." Joker leaned in till his lips were inches from Lances ear "now now my dear lighten up" He purred, Lance shuddered stopping the dance all together. Joker of course wasn't happy and proceeded to grab his wrist pulling him back into position rocking his hips to some imaginary beat. "Thirty minutes shmurty minutes...let me enjoy my hands on your hips." Lance couldn't fight this guy who knows what weapons or toxins he has stashed on him! He'd have to just grin and bare it until hopefully the police or Batman showed up. Joker just laughed at Lance's growing discomfort "Your a fun one, your not annoying like my bimbo of an ex" Lance cringed "ya mean the blonde chick Harley Quinn? Ain't she with the poison gal?" Joker just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair "She's old news sweetheart I'm "He paused and let his eyes wander up and down Lance's figure "In the market for someone new". 

(Five blocks away at the GCPD)

"We recieved a noise complaint at Happy's bar, looking into security footage it shows that the bartender had pushed the security call button underneath the bars table, why none of my men have arrived on the scene is beyond me!" Jim barked "Yes your rookies but you have a damn job to do! I want a squad car out there now!". One cop spoke up "commissioner...it's the Joker of all people we can't send rookies out to deal with him! They could get killed!" Jim sighed and rubbed his temple "I trust you heard everything Batman?" A figure stepped out of the shadows "I'm on my way Jim" and he dissapeared into the night.  
Bruce arrived at Happy's in less than 5 minutes, expecting whoever inside to be held hostage he scanned the perimeter and insides of the building quietly peeking inside a window. What he saw was definitely NOT what he expected in all his years of fighting crime.

The joker and who he assumed was the bartender were...kissing? Bruce saw it wasn't consensual when the man punched the Joker in a fit of rage "YOU BASTARD WHAT THE FUCK?!" Lance swung with all his might, his fist collided with the Jokers nose and a sickening CRACK rang in everyone's ears. Bruce took the opportunity to crash through the window and handcuff Joker as he reeled in pain falling on the floor. "Oh you...I love it when they fight back!" Laughter filled the room " Ah batsy were you jealous of little Lance over here? Blood began to drip out of his nose "Careful he packs a mean punch!"  
Bruce shot Lance an apologetic look and brought joker to his feet. "Are you hurt?" Lance just shook his head and walked to the bar pouring himself a drink "I don't think my girlfriend is gonna believe that she's got competition with a homicidal clown that's all" Joker just laughed as Batman dragged him to the batmobile "Batsy baby come on...you know i would never cheat on you I'm an honest clown! He was a flirt you have to believe me!" Bruce just sighed, it was going to be a long drive to Arkham.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't happening right? Oh lord it was.

A long drive to Arkham it was, never mind the traffic as Batman knew every detour in the city. No it was the constant nagging feeling in Bruce's gut that prolonged their journey to the asylum. The joker was apologizing like some ex girlfriend he caught in bed with another man and frankly it was pathetic. "Batsy babe I'm barely sober you have to believe me when i say Lance ment nothing to me!" Bruce's grip on the steering wheel tightened to the point it would snap in half if he wasn't careful"Just shut up Joker i don't want to hear it" The Joker just sighed and looked out the window taking in a big gulp of air as if he wanted to scream. Thankfully he didn't "Great now your giving me the silent treatment , oh how will our relationship ever stay afloat if you don't talk to me?!" Why Batman hasn't killed the Joker by now is anyone's guess.

"We're almost there, behave" Joker just laughed before his face started to pale more so than usual. "Bats...i think I'm going to be sick" To say Bruce Wayne went into panic mode is an understatement, the batmobile came to a screeching halt almost shooting both passengers forward both doors opened up at the same time and batman almost threw Joker out by the seat of his pants. "DO NOT GET SICK IN MY CAR!" Joker slowly worked his seatbelt off then all of a sudden started to dry heave. Bruce just sighed and rubbed his face muttering "this isn't happening..." to which the joker in between heaves said "oh..its ...happening sweetheart..." Great how will he explain the smell to Alfred later on?

After about fifteen minutes Joker's stomach finally settled down and fortunately so did Bruce's panic. "Goddamn it why did you go and get drunk at two in the morning?!" Bruce barked as the Joker wiped off his face taking a bit of lipstick and re applying it he quickly screwed the cap back on and put his hands on his hips. "WHY he says, you want to know WHY bats?" Joker jabbed a finger into Bruce's chest "You haven't spoken to me for Two" one finger jab "two whole weeks" another jab "i spent THOUSANDS you hear me?! THOUSANDS of fucking dollars on that heist!" And another jab. Bruce quickly grabbed Jokers finger bending it backwards till he cried out in pain "YOU BASTARD YOU...YOU FUCK YOU!" He was prepared for a fist to come his way but it never did, instead Joker fell to the ground with tears streaming down his face, causing his makeup to run along with it. 

"First Harley stops talking to me....and now you too" Is Joker saying he misses Batman? That can't be right. "What are you getting at Joker?" The man sighs and dusts himself off "it makes me wonder how good your love life is with such a lack of communication, then again i should be the only clown on your mind to begin with. " Bruce says nothing and drags Joker to the batmobile. Joker pauses "What time is it anyway? Its not nearing three am" he gulps "is it?" Bruce just points to the dashboard "five till three why?" If Joker wasn't pale before he definitely was now. "B..batsy listen y..you can't take me back not now!" He lugged at him tears in his eyes "She's making her rounds at the asylum...you can't do this to me!!" Joker shrieks Brice gives him a questioning look "i know of every employee at Arkham Joker has one been giving you trouble?" He's never seen the joker so upset about going back to Arkham before. 

"You've never met Mama Arkham have you babe?" Bruce pauses "Mama Arkham?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that i write as i think up stuff, i unfortunately start my new job tomorrow morning and don't know my schedule till then. Dunno how long this will be either and yes i know i said 4 chapters but hey i love the comments I'm getting! Your comments and kudos keep me writing! Also oooo whose Mama Arkham?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama Arkham comes to town!

Arkham asylum was already in view as the joker kept begging to let him go. Bruce was confused and some what uncomfortable with a grown man crying in the front seat of the batmobile. "Joker man up, i ran the asylum database and there is no 'Mama Arkham'". Joker sniffled and wiped away his tears "batsy honey as much as you and i absolutely LOVE eachother you have some competition". The car pulled to a stop and surprisingly at 3:30am a lone guard stood at the gate. Joker laughed putting his window down and yelled "Hellooo Mama Arkham dearest! Your little J is back!"

Upon further examination it was an petite woman with grey hair and glasses, she seems to be wearing a security guard uniform and a slight frown on her face. The two exited the batmobile with no noise from the joker. "JJ how in the hell did you escape again?" Joker stood up straight as a board at the women's commanding tone. Bruce just snickered "...JJ?" He suddenly realized..."I'm sorry miss but do you happen to be...Mama Arkham?" She huffed in response grabbing Joker and putting him in cuffs "Damn straight bat brain, this young man is out passed his curfew! I TOLD you not to escape!" Arkham lectured on and on and Bruce started to feel a little guilty about letting the joker be punished like this.

Just a little. "Listen you old hag i don't need your bull shit at almost four in the morning!" Joker jabbed at her with his elbow as Bruce prepared for a fight "I'm too hungover for this, batsy boo please tell her to shut up" Arkham quickly jabbed him with her nightstick and hauled him inside.

Bruce just blinked at the interaction and sighed, long night Indeed.

(Inside Arkham asylum, Joker's cell)

"L is for the way you lie to me, O is for the other one you see, V is for vindictive, chew my heart and then you spit it...E hurts even more....but who knows what i keep hoping for?" Joker twirled and danced around his cell as he sung, his raspy voice rang throughout the asylum. He was put in solitary confinement but lucky for him it gave him time to think. He wanted to escape but at the same time batman plagued his thoughts. Batman was his of course Lance didn't mean anything...but he was just so lonely or was it just boredom? Joker couldn't tell, "tonight I'll dream of my little bat..." he sighed as he slumped onto his bed and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short!  
> I sadly have more personal issues at home and at work that's why chapters are coming up slowly... but comments and Kudos keep me writing!  
> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the hours tick by asylum life isn't all it's cracked up to be! Here are a few warnings ahead of time: self harm, blood, and strong language!

It's been at least one week since Batman had dropped Joker off at the asylum, Bruce assumed he would get out in no time but unfortunately it seemed he was in a dark place. "Joker it's been a while since you've eaten, what seems to be the trouble?" Amy was written on her name tag, Joker had seen her a few times before. She was a bright med student who recently had gotten employed at the asylum. The tray every patient was given each morning consisted of oatmeal, seedless grapes, juice with no straw and a mini muffin. Joker sighed and took a small bite of the mush that was considered food. Satisfied Amy smiled walking away as she scribbled on her clipboard. 

Setting the tray down Joker sighed, he usually got out by now but...he hadn't had the energy. Stubled dusted his chin, green curls grew passed his ears and it looked as if he lost 5 pounds. "Oh god dammit...this is fucking ridiculous!" Joker smacked the tray against the wall prompting food to splatter everywhere and two guards to come in and handcuff him to his bed. "One more bit of noise from you and its the hole you fucking freak!" Joker just blew a raspberry "sod off darling daddy's not feeling so hot". The guard just muttered under his breath something about the 'hole'. He already knew what it was like in the "hole", just a small empty room with no bed and no windows, dark and empty just like him. Getting out of the cuffs was easy enough, a few twists and one "SNAP!" One dislocated thumb later the Joker was free. 

After popping his thumb back in place Joker slumped down the wall with his fingernails scraping the sides of his head to the point blood started to dribble down. He just chuckled as red stained his fingers "ah...there we go...now I'm feeling something..." The sensation while painful was pleasant as he continued to dig his nails in deeper leaving at least two two inch long gaps on both sides of the Jokers head. 

*At Wayne Manor*

Bruce had given Alfred the night off promising to Alfred he would at least eat a sandwich as he worked. "He's got to be planning something i just know it..." Unfortunately for once Bruce Wayne was wrong. Be this a good thing or bad thing only time would tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments keep me writing!♡  
> Next chapter Bruce decides a visit as batman is in order!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman finally visits Joker in Arkham asylum and the reality of the situation hits him like a freight train!

*Arkham asylum 2am, Joker's cell*

"It's been two months Joker what are you hiding?!" No answer.  
Bruce then threw a punch he expected him to catch but instead Bruce's fist collided with the clowns face. Joker just frowned as he wiped away the blood going down his chin. " this isn't like you honey, usually you take a clown out to dinner before they get busy" no laughter came. Bruce watched carefully as Joker sighed and slumped onto his bed, drawing his knees to chest. This didn't make sense he has to be hiding something! Anything! Bruce's mind screamed at him to throw another punch, to shout, to do something! Then it dawned on him and all Bruce could blurt out was "you're depressed" Joker nodded and layed on his side voice barely a whisper as he muttered "I'm all alone...isn't that funny?" Bruce just sighed and sat next to him, bed creaking with the added weight. "I'm suprised the gaurds haven't come by and found us like this..." Bruce just hummed in agreement. Taking a closer look at The Joker he could see how skinny he had gotten, his hair was almost to his shoulders and a few self inflicted wounds graced both sides of this head. "You've been self harming..." Joker rolled his eyes "yes i have captain obvious..congratulations on your amazing detective skills".

The binge drinking that night, the assault on the bartender, the lewd gestures and self destructive behavior all linked to the Joker's depressive state. And yet Bruce thought it was all a coverup to some grand scheme, wow he really needs to lighten up but this story isn't about the Batman now is it? "You loved Harley, in your own twisted way, you actually loved her didn't you?" Joker nodded while Bruce continued "now that her and Ivy are together you couldn't stand to see her so happy with someone else and that broke you" Joker laughed though it was far from humorous "Bravo batsy! Bravo! You've figured it out..." The clowns dry laughter soon turned into small sobs and Bruce did the only thing he could think of, he held the man close as he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but boy is this a wild ride or what?  
> Kudos and comments keep me writing!♡


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while huh? I apologize for the wait depression is a huge pain! Enjoy my not rushed at all ending!

After that night being in his lovers arms changed the Joker's perspective on things. He already knew that Batman cared about him but he didn't realize how much till he hit rock bottom. Did he still feel like he wanted to die? The answer was yes, but not nearly as badly and he had Batman to thank for that.

*outside Arkham asylum, 12:30pm*

"If i get word from the boss while I'm on vacation that your scrawny ass is back here, so help me god JJ i will beat you into next week!" Mama Arkham had a good grip on Joker's ear as she yelled. "Alright already you old hag! I'll be back in three months this time that alright with you?" He hollered. Arkham released her grip and shoved him forward "Damn straight, now go i have patience to attend to!" Joker just laughed and gave the woman the finger. Joker stopped and looked up at the sky smiling, "it's a great day for destruction! Gotham, Joker is back in town!" Some how he knew Batman was watching the whole time and he was right.

It was a new day, with new possibilities after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as i have!♡


End file.
